National Coming Out Day 2017

October 11th was National Coming Out Day, and to commemorate, staff members at LGBT Life Center shared their own coming out experiences through a social media campaign called #LifeTeamComingOut. Throughout the day, many different inspiring and emotional stories were shared from both people who identify as LGBTQ+ or as an Ally. While some of us came out in younger years such as high school or college, many of our staff did not come out until later in life. Overall, a major theme for this day of story sharing and experiencing swapping was that no matter your age, it is never too early or too late to be your true self. These are their stories.

#LifeTeamComingOut

Jarrell H., 30,–“When I was in 12th grade I decided to have a pool party, choosing to only invite the majority of my gay friends. At the party, my mom (who identifies as a lesbian) and her partner noticed that all of the party-goers had something in common, so they pulled me aside onto the balcony overlooking the pool area. Pointing to my friends below, my mom said “You do know that all of your friends are gay, right?” “Yeah, I know!” I replied. She proceeded to ask me if I, too, was gay and I told her “I just like what I like, but that guy right there is my boyfriend.” The conversation ended with my mom telling me I was free to love who I pleased, encouraging me to just be safe.”

Beth B.,52, –“When I turned 40, I realized that I needed to live my life openly and that if anyone had a problem with it, that was their own problem, not mine. I first told close friends, my brother and sister, all of whom were accepting of it–some even replying that they figured I was gay. My mother, a Southern Baptist, gave me a rough time for a few years before eventually coming to terms with it. She initially responded by telling me that I would never get to see my father in heaven, who passed away a year prior to my coming out. Although we don’t talk about it much, I know that she loves me, and accepts me in her own way. Now, at 52, I am loud and proud in every aspect of my life.”

Clay P., 27,– “I came out when I was in 10th grade. I was 15 years old, and I had already told my closest friends. Of course, I came out as “Bi” because it was more socially acceptable at that time. My male friends were more comfortable with me being bi, it was “cool.” There was a rumor spreading throughout the school that I had “met up” with one of the star football players after school. This was true, however I couldn’t allow for people to continue to talk about me behind my back. So, I got in front of the story and announced that I was bi-sexual at lunch in front of the entire school. I came out with a bang. It felt great.”

Corey M.,32,–“I came out to my parents when I was 16 – not because I’m brave, but because I’m a terrible liar. At the time I thought my life was over…and looking back on it, that life was over. 16 years later I’m a truer version of me than I’ve ever been; Every day I’m thankful for getting caught in the lie that forced me to confront reality, and led me to me.”

Kaitlyn T., 29,–“When I was around 21 years old, my best friend came out to me as lesbian. At first I felt a little hurt that she hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me sooner. And I wasn’t sure how it was going to change things between us. But, over time, I realized that it didn’t change anything. She and I are still as close as ever and I will be a bridesmaid at her wedding at the end of this month when she gets married to an amazing woman who loves her just as much as I do. I guess that’s when you can say that I became an “ally,” when someone that I was close to came out. I will always support her and her right to love anyone that she chooses.”

Chris W.,35,–“I came out as gay, now over 10 years ago. My family members had been talking about behind my back and to my parents, because I did not have a girlfriend. I was also taught in school, incorrectly that being gay was a phase. My phase was a bit long however. After this, I started thinking, “why am afraid to come out”. I then called my best friend and then my mother and came out. Although I am from a very religious family, I was accepted and I know that God loves me even though I am gay.”

Anonymous Staff Member, 54,–“I became an Ally when I was 17 years old. My best friend came out to her family and not only did they not accept her, but she became trapped in a very abusive household. We caught the bus to school together every day. Well, this one particular day she decided that she couldn’t take the mental and physical abuse she received at home from her uncles and other family members. She looked me in the eyes and said “you know I love you, right?” I said “I know and I love you too”… she gave me a kiss on the lips and pulled out a gun and shot herself in the head. It all happened so fast that nothing could be done. I stood in shock and watched my friend die on the platform just because she couldn’t be who she was and be accepted. I said from that day on I would never just sit back anymore and say or do nothing. At 54, I can honestly say God makes no mistakes. I love just because we are who we are. No more, no less.”

Allison W., 23,–“My coming out story is kind of boring, actually. I was 18, a freshman in college, and dating this girl from Boston while at school in upstate NY, so I had to take a bus to see her. One weekend, my dad figured out that I was on a bus and not at school, so he called me in a fury to ask why I was leaving my studies to “go party in another city.” I ended up having to tell him the reason I was on that bus. I called my mom a week or so later and came out to her as well. I’m very lucky because both of my parents and entire extended family, for that matter, are very loving and accepting, so for me, the hardest part of my journey was the build up—the elephant in the room, the fears, anxieties, and worries of judgement. Coming out is very uncomfortable at first but as you grow as a person, you grow in confidence and it just becomes a part of your identity.”

Marilyn D. – “This is my story as an ally about my time in the United States Navy during the period of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”.
During my navy years is where I would meet one of my dearest friends. Through the early stages of our friendship I could always tell she was hiding something. I never wanted to pressure her to reveal anything she wanted to keep private, all I really cared about was that she was my sister in boots, and quickly becoming one of my closest friends. She would often talk about her fiancé, and without giving a name use pronouns like “he and him”. I never saw any pictures and even when this fiancé was brought up, it was always in private. Growing up around members of the LGBT community my entire life, I began to suspect this “he, him” fiancé, may not be a “he, him” at all. I really wanted her to know she could confide this type of information in me, but back during this time with the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy on the books, telling someone you were gay or lesbian while in the military meant risking your career, your entire livelihood even. I never wanted to force someone to come out, especially when it would be of such great risk to them but I so badly wanted her to know that she could confide this information in me. One day I finally decided to broach the subject in a way that would let her know it was safe to tell me. We talked about the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and how risky it was for someone who is gay or lesbian to out themselves to anyone, and how sympathetic I was toward those facing that situation. I told her that she never had to pretend to be someone she wasn’t around me. This finally gave her enough reassurance to reveal to me what I had already long suspected, that she was a lesbian. Through this personal disclosure, the bonds of our friendship were cemented. No matter how close we were before this moment, the barrier of her having to hide who she was from me prevented us from truly becoming as close as we are today. The decision she made that day to reveal that information to me despite the risks, allowed our simple friendship to mature into a sisterhood that will remain for the rest of our lives.”

Lorraine R.,52,–“I first came out as an Ally when my brother was only 5 years old and I was 10…(1970). A friend was making fun of him for being “queer” and I stood up for him. At 18, after running away from home to come live with me where I was stationed in Norfolk, my brother formally came out to me as gay. He had trusted me above others because of my unconditional love for him. I personally came out as a Major Ally shortly after I was diagnosed with HIV, upon learning that my then husband had been hiding his sexuality for more than a decade, fearing ex-communication from his family, friends, and community. I defended him to the world (literally–on the Oprah Winfrey show in 1994). At that point, I had several very close friends who were a part of the LGBT community and I was deeply committed.”

Chris R.,31,–“Picture it, 1998; I always knew I was different than most, including my family, classmates, friends and well, everyone around me. I knew that I was gay in 6th grade but it took another 7 years to come out and say it and accept it. I told myself for so many years that it was just a phase. It wasn’t until college that I truly knew I could express myself any way I wish, I could kiss or hold hands with whomever I want, and finally; live the life that made me love me. It wasn’t just a phase, it was the beginning of an amazing journey. Everyday I am grateful for my family, who embraced their gay son, brother, nephew, grandson, and cousin. I know it’s not like that for so many but for me, I helped expand my families acceptance and love for all by being the first. Next time; I won’t wait as long!”

Anonymous Staff Member–“I’ll never forget the day I had that “ah ha” moment. The hard realization that my Dad was gay. I was on the swing set swinging and listening to Yellowcard. It was in that very moment that I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe, the earth had stopped spinning, and my world seemingly collapsed for a split second in time. That sounds negative but it isn’t… it was just a moment of having a grown up insight into your Dad’s life as a teenager. My Dad was, and still is, my hero and my best friend. I became an ally one beautiful fall afternoon when I was 15 years old.”

A huge thanks, once again, to the people who were bold enough to share their stories with the world. Each and every experience is unique and inspiring in its own way, and we hope these stories spark others to be true to themselves.

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