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Home / Archives for Identity

Identity

How To Improve Your Mental Health During a Separation

July 18, 2022 by LGBT Life Center Leave a Comment

Guest Article written by Jori Hamilton

When you get married, commit to a commonlaw marriage, or go through a long-term relationship, the last thing on your mind is the potential future of parting ways. Unfortunately, even the strongest relationships can fall apart for a variety of reasons. Statistics show that members of the LGBTQIA+ community have a similar divorce rate to opposite-sex partners, and it’s just as difficult for everyone involved.

Going through this eventuality, especially a divorce, is never easy, even if things end amicably. It can impact your children, friends, family, and even your career. However, it can take the biggest toll on your mental health.

A divorce is one of the most stressful events one can go through, and ending a relationship can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. It might also feel difficult to get back to your “normal” self when you’ve lost such a major part of your life.

Thankfully, there are things you can do to improve your mental well-being both during and after the ending of a relationship. From reaching out for help to investing in small habits that can make a big difference, now is the time to make your mental health a top priority.

With that in mind, let’s cover a few ways to improve your mental health during a divorce, so you can fully embrace the next chapter of your life.

Practice Self-Care

In all 50 states, the process of divorce for LGBTQIA+ couples is typically the same. However, some states require you to list a reason for your divorce. Working with a good family law attorney can help you through this process and make it easier to deal with any specific laws or rules surrounding divorce in your area. Throughout the process, you’ll have to deal with things like

  • Splitting your assets
  • Alimony
  • Child custody issues and child support
  • Settlement agreements

It’s no wonder going through a divorce often seems so overwhelming. If you’re in the middle of a contentious battle or court case with your ex, self-care needs to be a top priority.

You might think it’s “selfish” to think about right now, but if you don’t take care of yourself every day, you’re not going to be able to state your case as strongly in court. You’ll run the risk of developing greater symptoms of anxiety and depression, and you’ll also be more likely to experience fatigue, difficulty concentrating, and a lack of motivation.

Self-care looks different for everyone, but it doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. Instead, find something each day that helps you relax and feel more centered. That could include anything from journaling to cooking a healthy meal. Things like mindfulness and meditation are also wonderful ways to center yourself and reduce stress.

Exercise is another great way to practice self-care, especially if you’re struggling with depression. It provides a temporary distraction from thoughts of hopelessness, naturally boosts your endorphins, and can improve your self-esteem – something most people struggle with after a break-up of any kind.

Lean On Your Support System

Quality relationships are essential to a happy life. That includes non-romantic relationships. Now, more than ever, it’s important to lean on the people in your life who are there to support you. Maybe you’re worried about losing some friends or even the bond between certain family members because of your split. If people choose to “leave,” let them go. As hard as it may be, they would likely only add toxicity to your life by criticizing you for your choice.

Instead, focus on the people who want to stand by your side, no matter what. That includes friends and family members, of course.

However, it can also be helpful to connect with others in the LGBTQIA+ community who have gone through similar situations. Even if you only chat with them via online support groups, it can be comforting to hear other individuals’ stories. Not only will it help to remind you that you’re not alone, but you might get the right piece of advice that can help you move forward.

Get Professional Help

Those in the LGBTQIA+ community are twice as likely to experience a mental health condition as heterosexual individuals. Maybe you were already dealing with depression or anxiety before the start of your divorce. Or, perhaps the process triggered symptoms that you’ve never experienced before.

Whatever the case, don’t wait or hesitate to seek help for your mental health if you’re really struggling. Talking to a therapist or counselor is a great way to get to the root cause of your symptoms, and can help you establish healthy coping mechanisms. You may even benefit from medication, and a therapist can help to determine what might work best for you. In addition to the effects of your divorce, therapy can help with things like

  • Grief
  • Confidence and self-esteem
  • Depression
  • Fear
  • Wellness goals

Some therapists specialize in LGBTQIA+ issues, and thanks to advancements in telehealth, it’s easy to find someone that meets your needs and wants.

Whether you’re ending a legal marriage, a commonlaw marriage, or a long-term relationship, realizing that it is over can feel overwhelming. Remember that although your relationship is ending, this is a new beginning for your life, and a chance to start over with a clean slate. As you navigate the legal process, keep that in mind, and you’ll have an easier time prioritizing your mental health for the sake of your future.

Filed Under: Advocacy, Gay, Health, Identity LGBTQ, Lesbian, Mental Health, Transgender Tagged With: divorce, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ, separation

What is PRIDE in my life?

June 6, 2022 by LGBT Life Center Leave a Comment

Community Guest Post by Nichole Pritchard

Pride Month 2022

For decades, the LGBTQ+ community has lived in the shadows often leading a double life – pretending to be straight to maintain their jobs and community ties and only safe to be themselves with their close-knit group of friends and family. Being their authentic selves was against the law and punishable by fines, jail, beatings and in too many cases, death. Decades later, most people assume that these archaic beliefs are in the past but for so many living around the world it is still the present.

I came out when I was 18. It never occurred to me that my teenage feelings of loneliness or not belonging had a reason. The day I finally admitted to myself that I was a lesbian was a day of FREEDOM. But a hidden freedom. Would my parents still love me? Would my best friend still consider me such? Would my siblings support me? Would I still be Gramma’s baby girl? It was TERRIFYING to think their feelings about me would change for something out of my control. The juxtaposition of feeling so free, while also being so scared at the same time is something so many have experienced yet no one wishes to feel. The term “in the closet” is the best metaphor in that, you stay trapped in this box of “normal” with small glimpses of light as you slowly crack that door to be yourself, when deemed safe, until one day you can’t breathe any longer in that closet and you throw that door open and realize you don’t want other people’s normal you want to live YOUR normal.

I started that crack in the door with telling my dad. Regardless of the unknown, he loved me. He accepted me. He was proud of me. That ended abruptly 3 months later when he died of a heart attack in my arms at 44. My mom struggled to truly accept me, and we went a lot of time not talking much at first but over the years she has evolved and is now my one of my biggest supporters. I told my best friend while walking down the street. We were stopped at a light, and I just said it out loud. I was, consumed with worry that she would reject our friendship. I figured if she did not accept me, I could just run. There was zero reasoning for thinking she would but life in a closet is suffocating and self-deprecating. You feel like it is you, alone, and everyone is outside it with fingers pointed at you. When I told her, her only concern was that I did not tell her earlier so she could have loved me through it. Months later she would also be the first person to sit in the middle of the street hugging me while I collapsed and grieved my dad’s passing. 25yrs later and 2000 miles apart, she remains as integral part of my life as she did then. She has saved me more times than I can count. My siblings had differing reactions. My sister loved me and harassed me about it in a sisterly way to laugh and move forward. My four brothers differed. Two loved me through it, one refused to accept me (still to this day) and one has shown support but also used it as an attack when useful. My Gramma, as a Jehovah Witness, struggled but never stopped loving me and to this day I am PROUDLY still Grammas little girl. Overall, my support system was established. I started to gain confidence in who I was. I started to realize there was nothing wrong with me and I felt truly alive after years of hiding my true self.

Over the years I have continued this journey. Every time I meet someone, I must come out again. I met my other best friend 20yrs ago and when I did, I lied to her and said I had a husband until I felt safe. Now she lives close to me, is the godmother to my kids, and the best friend everyone deserves. I had to deal with fear of rejection, identity crisis of what kind of lesbian I was and with social media where so many from high school seemed to just want to prove, “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE GAY!” Congrats. Delete. So many more celebrated me.

Having PRIDE in who you are, as a LGBTQ+ person, takes time for most. I have worked most of my adult life to find that PRIDE and be true to me. When I met my wife, it really opened my world of belonging and love. She loved me for ME. She was attracted to me! She was proud to be with me. She gave me courage to open myself to who I was. But mostly, she also became my fiercest protector. With my short hair and masculine choice of clothes, I was identified a mile away. I still am. So, the stares, the comments as I walk by, the sneers, and the attacks still come my way from time to time. When alone, I smile, stay kind, and push through, believing that attacking back gives them fuel for their hatred of people like me but showing kindness back might just open their hearts. However, it still punctures my heart a little each time it happens. My wife feels protective whenever we are in public and something happens. She will have none of it and will call you out the second your gaze lasts too long or your snickers are caught by her ear. She makes me feel safe.

With work, it is and always will be an evolution. Inclusion and equality are things that continue to grow in the corporate world. The first time I decided to be me and wear a shirt and tie for an interview, I was so nervous because I worried if being myself would cost me the job. Today I wear it with PRIDE and feel good about how I look and dress. Being part of the LGBTQ+ community, I always worry when I tell someone I’m gay.  Will I be accepted? Could this hurt me or my family? Those questions will linger until our world is fully accepting of the LGBTQ+ community and adopting of equality. We are not there yet but we are slowly gaining ground.

Now with 5 kids and many experiences under my belt, I navigate PRIDE, as a mom. Helping my kids figure out how to handle being questioned or made fun of for having two moms is especially heartbreaking. It feels like we are constantly explaining how our family unit is not much different than others. My kids need to feel loved and supported in their journey and their relationships in life. Lastly, we strive to instill PRIDE in our children- in who they are and the knowledge that their moms will always be in their corner and they know, without a doubt, that they will always be accepted for exactly who they are without reservation.

I have now been “out” for 24 years. My PRIDE in myself and my place in this world is constantly evolving but I no longer hide in the closet. My love for people and helping others is who I am regardless of who I marry. My sense of maternal instinct is both an annoyance and a benefit to those around me, regardless of which letter of LGBTQ+ I belong to.

PRIDE to me is a celebration of the strength, determination, love, and pain that I have been through to get to where I am today. It is knowing I will still experience all those feelings, but this life is worth the journey. The friendships I have, the family I cherish, the wife I adore and the children I love unconditionally, are the PRIDE I get to feel every day. It is my PRIDE that gives me the strength to continue to advocate for myself and others. Be you. Love you. Celebrate you. Accept you. Have PRIDE in you. And until you do, I and millions of others, have PRIDE for you.

Filed Under: Advocacy, Bisexual, Gay, Identity LGBTQ, Lesbian, Transgender Tagged With: Bisexual, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ, pride, transgender

LGBTQ Bills Are on the Verge of Becoming Law in VA

February 11, 2020 by LGBT Life Center Leave a Comment

On the heels of LGBTQ+ protections passing out of committee for the first time ever, LGBT Life Center joined Hampton Roads Pride, Transgender Assistance Program of VA, and New Life Metropolitan Community Church for Equality Virginia’s Day of Action on February 4.

Fifty Hampton Roads residents joined us on a charter bus to go to Richmond and speak with their elected officials about the importance of these protections – everything from gender marker changes on government documents to school bathroom policies to employment protections. This is the most people we’ve ever had attend, and enthusiasm was high!

  • Vee Lamneck,
    Executive Director, Equality Virginia
  • House of Delegate Speaker Eileen Filler-Corn (left) with LGBT Life Center CEO Stacie Walls (right)
  • Delegate Danica Roem (left) with LGBT Life Center CEO Stacie Walls (right)
  • LGBT Life Center CEO Stacie Walls (left), James Parish (right), Director of Virginia Values Coalition
  • Cole Werkheiser (left), Rudy Almanzor (center), President and VP of Hampton Roads Pride, Stacie Walls (right) CEO of LGBT Life Center
  • Callum Foley, LGBT Life Center Community Engagement Coordinator (left)

How a law gets made in VA

The Virginia General Assembly is made up of the House of Delegate and the Senate. Leaders are elected officials that serve 2 year-terms in the house and 4 year terms in the senate. A session of the Assembly is 60-day on even numbered years (i.e. 1996) and 30 days on odd numbered year (i.e. 1997). Sessions can be extended by 2/3rds vote of both houses.

How a bill becomes a law

A bill my be created by either the House of Delegate or the Senate. Bills are first submitted to a committee and then that committee must vote to bring the bill to a floor. In the past, LGBTQ protections have all failed or been blocked in committee and therefore have never made it to a full vote – until this year!

Once the bill receives majority approval in the committee it moves to the floor of the House or Senate where it is up for a vote. If more than one version of a bill passes, the bills are combined into one by the Committee of Conference, approved and then sent to the Governor for their signature, recommendations (suggested changes) or veto.

If the governor signs the bill it then becomes law. If they suggest changes it goes back to the Assembly (the House and Senate) where they have the opportunity to incorporate those changes (or not) and send it back to the Governor for approval (or veto).

If the governor vetos a bill, the Senate and House have the chance to overturn that veto by a 2/3rd majority vote.

For an in-depth understanding of the process click here >>

Bills We’re Watching

Virginia Values Act
The Virginia Values Act aims to prohibit discrimination in employment, housing and public accommodation.

The house and senate have passed multiple versions of LGBTQ nondiscmination bills. 2020 is the first time these bills have made it out of committee, and the first time they’ve been voted on by both chambers.

Where is the Virginia Values Act currently?
The various versions of the bills will be reviewed by the Committee of Conference and revised/combined as necessary, and then sent to the governor for signature – the final step before becoming law.

Other LGBTQ Bills We’re Following

Conversion Therapy Ban
Conversion therapy – sometimes called reparative therapy – is the discredited and harmful practice of attempting to change one’s sexual orientation or gender identity. This philosophy is based on wildly outdated notions and bigotry.

Both the House of Delegates and the Senate have passed a version of a conversion therapy bill – the first time this has ever happened.

Back in November we sent a letter to all Hampton Roads elected officials asking them to ban this harmful practice.

Transgender Health Insurance
This bill was introduced by Danica Roem and passed the house, but is in committee at the senate.

The bill “prohibits a health carrier from denying or limiting coverage or imposing additional cost sharing or other limitations or restrictions on coverage to a transgender individual on the basis that the individual’s sex assigned at birth, gender identity, or gender otherwise recorded is different from the one to which such health services are ordinarily or exclusively available. In addition, prohibits health carries from discriminating on the basis of gender identity or being a transgender individual.”

Updating Sex on Birth Certificates
This bill would require the State Registrar to up the sex on a birth certificate upon request, as well as a name change with a court order.

The Senate and House have passed versions of this bill. The houses’ version of the bill is currently in committee in the senate – it is expected to pass.

Stay Informed

There are several great resources to help you stay informed. We love to follow Equality Virginia’s tracking of these bill (and more) which you can access on their website here.

You can also follow along on your own by tracking bills using the Virginia Legislative Information System here.

Contact Your Legislator

Your elected official NEEDS to hear from you. When elected officials know their constituents (voters who live in their district) support a certain cause AND support it enough to make an effort to tell them about it, they are far more likely to support that issue/bill.

It’s critical to the success of LGBTQ rights.

Who’s your legislator?
You can find your local legislator (and their contact information) by clicking here.

Connect with us!

Twitter.com/LGBTLifeCenter
Facebook.com/LGBTLifeCenter
Instagram.com/LGBTLifeCenter

Sign up for our monthly newsletter by clicking here.

Did we miss something? Is there an error? Have an update or a comment or question?
Email us at info@lgbtlifecenter.org.

Filed Under: Advocacy Tagged With: Center News, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

This social support group is for individuals (ages 18+) who identify and/or experience their gender outside the gender binary (not exclusively man; not exclusively woman).  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, Two-Spirit, and agender.

All non-binary identities and experiences are welcome and will be affirmed and validated in this group.  We are passionate about creating a space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (they/them) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 6:30 – 8 PM on the 2nd Thursdays over Zoom, and on the 4th Wednesdays in-person at the LGBT Life Center located at 5360 Robin Hood Rd, Suite 202, Norfolk.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

Non-Binary+ Social Support Group [IN-PERSON]

October 6, 2018 by LGBT Life Center

The Non-Binary+ Social Support Group is for adults who identify and/or express their gender outside of the gender binary.  This includes, but is not limited to, people who identify as non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, Two-Spirit, and agender.

We are passionate about creating an accessible space for local non-binary+ folks to be their authentic selves, find and provide support, share resources, and build community.  Currently, we offer one support meeting a month along with a few social events like board game nights, holiday parties, park walks, museum tours, and bookstore visits.

We ask new members to email the facilitator before attending.

For more info, please contact Remi Jäger (he/him) at nonbinarysocialgroup@gmail.com.

This group meets virtually from 7 – 9 PM on the 4th Wednesday of every month.

Tagged With: Events, Hampton Roads, Identity, LGBTQ

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